Actually… Actually… published on October 25, 2014Read more posts by the author of Actually…, Mo16 Comments on Actually… The post we should’ve made last week instead of looking for a quote…
I LOVE your work! And, as a gamer since the pre-computer 1970s – when I was the only woman at the gaming table and not getting even a tiny, tiny fraction of the abuse women today get – THANK YOU for these past two comics in particular.
My gamer daughter approved the following Fable:
Flame Out, a Fable
Once upon a time an Avatar’s path was blocked by a Flame War. A Troll hurled a fireball title-lined “Girls Have Cooties”; its foe, a Scold, threw back a fireball title-lined “Gamers are Gross”. The Basement Dweller hurled “I Wish You Were Dead”; the Moral Entrepreneur threw back “You’re Dead Already”.
The Avatar said, “Get a room, you two! Unbar my way, for I am on a Quest. Behold!” The Avatar gestured, and a vision appeared.
The Scold sneered, “What is that tawdry hovel?”
“It is the Palace of Scandal.”
The Troll grunted, “What’s up?”
“Within that Palace, a Maker is kissing a Messenger, in exchange for plaudits!” The Scold gasped, the Troll snickered, and the Avatar contined, “Yes, isn’t it delicious? I am on a Quest for Citation.”
“Bo-ring,” the Troll lied.
“Irrelevant,” the Scold snipped.
The Troll said, “Our fight is much more interesting.”
The Scold added, “And original!”
The two started throwing fireballs again; so the Avatar pressed a ban hammer, and both Troll and Scold were ejected from Cyberspace.
The Avatar said, “It’s good to be a moderator,” and proceeded on the path towards the Palace of Scandal.
Moral: The enemy of my enemy is not my friend.
It all starts in a dark sleazy hotel, Zoe Quinn and Anita Sarkeesian cackle as they finish the last touches on their plan to ruin videogames for Men and start their Lesbian Feminist Dystopia.
To promote their work, Zoe purposely creates mean and nasty posts on Wizardchan so she can tell everyone she is being persecuted, and then everyone will want to play her game because reasons. Wizardchan is actually a front for the Feminist Cabal, who operate from their secret military base in Diego Garcia.
Now the game gains popularity as innocent citizens are duped into playing “Depression Quest”, a game which features jokes about rising male suicide rates, and a video clip in which Zoe Quinn and Anita Sarkeesian kick a male puppy back and forth.
This puppy was secretly trained by the Reptilian Illuminati to infiltrate the Feminazi Overlords, a rival group to the Feminist Cabal, who have a secret military base in Antarctica. The Feminazi Overlords are a radical feminist sect created by Adolf Hitler to bring back his Second Coming so he can rain doom upon all who dwell in this docile domain.
The puppy is captured by the CIA and is arrested for impersonating Bigfoot. The FBI try to kidnap the puppy and set fire to the CIA Headquarters. However, the puppy escapes and survives as a prostitute for 3 years in Mexico.
Then, the puppy is captured by the Feminist Cabal, where he learns of their true purpose to take over the world.
The Cabal is run by three regal sisters (Tammy, Tina and Tonsils), who are the daughters of their Tiefling mother, Rebecca, who is head of the Feminazi Overlords.
Rebecca is married to a man named Carl, who is secretly a double agent for the Virus Corporation.
The Virus Corporation is a secret organisation dedicated to spreading chaos, through utilizing distortions in the ley lines that surround the earth. Ley lines are alignments of significant places in the world; think of it as an energy grid. They are directly to blame for the Gulf War and Family Guy.
Carl has an ex-wife named Deborah; Deborah and Carl had a son together that they named Jacob.
Jacob was Zoe’s Boyfriend, but then discovers she secretly handed out Sex to five gaming journalists so that they would write good reviews of her game, thus furthering her plan of driving all Men to commit suicide.
The names of these men are: Layton, Beaumont, Edwin, Kaleb, and Erskine.
Layton lives in New South Wales, Australia. He was the leader of a Hare Krishna sect dedicated to overflowing the universe with bunnies; his Girlfriend is Tina, and this was his way of getting back at her.
Beaumont is a Gay Canadian Model who is a member of The Gay Agenda, and he was told he was sent on a mission to impregnate Zoe with the seed of the Antichrist, so that the Gays can conquer the world. This was a lie; his boss was a man named Elmo, who has ties with Al Qaeda and was directly responsible for the 9/11 World Trade Centre attacks. However Elmo had actually been pressured into this by a man calling himself Lyndon LaRouche, with the promise that he was ‘doing God’s work’, Lyndon in turn only did this because of The Bilderburger Group.
The Bilderburger Group helped cause the Holocaust by writing The Elders of Zion so that Nazis would go insane and kill Jews so that The Bilderburger Group could complain of persecution, thus giving them control of the world somehow. But actually the Nazis were Space Goblins and the Holocaust totally didn’t happen, but at the same time the holocaust did happen because Elf Goats Ate Hitler’s Brain back during the Irish Potato Famine.
Edwin is a farmer.
Kaleb holds the Sixth Key of Chaos forged in the heart of Eldetharr, as a way of appeasement towards the Dwarven God Vargtol, as soon shall be the way when all eight keys are realigned in the mystical land of New Zealand.
Erskine was a member of a grassroots movement who sensibly ran away when it became clear that this movement could not rid itself of attention-seeking assholes, con-men and profiteers feeding off the insecurities of a certain group of people who were encouraged to form an angry mob based on what in truth basically amounted to “the straw that broke the camel’s back”, their voices drowned out by a ‘vocal minority’ that also does not exist and if you say it exists one more time I will seriously murder you, but seriously, all those death threats were made by Zoe Quinn herself so she could claim she was being like totally persecuted and that is why she deserves to die. I totally don’t support death threats by the way, and I will fucking murder you if you say I do.
Jacob threatens to expose the Cabal, so Zoe shoots down his plane — MH370.
The MH370 crashes on Diego Garcia and The Feminist Cabal sends the surviving males to their breeding camps to be ‘milked’ and subsequently slaughtered, and forces the surviving women
One of the surviving Women of the Plane crash turns out to be a highly intelligent and skilled woman named Eris joins the team.
Meanwhile, Jacob joins up with the Male Survivors of the plane crash and plan a breakout. The most useful survivors are Mark, a male rape victim who was forced into the war, lost custody of his children and was falsely accused of assasinating the President, all due to the feminists; then there is Shaun, who has struggled to survive SEVEN WHOLE MONTHS without sex.
Eris offers the gift of a golden apple to the three sisters, saying it belongs to the most beautiful one.
The three sisters argue over who is the most beautiful and the cabal falls into chaos.
The Male plane-crash survivors take advantage of the chaos and stage a breakout. Jacob manages to hack a computer and, posting under a pseudonym, warns the world about Zoe Quinn’s ties to terrorist organisations, her sluttishness, and her manipulative schemes. But mostly her sluttishness.
Rebecca boards a plane to go to Diego Garcia, and Carl takes advantage of the situation and takes over the Feminazi Overlords, and thus they become a splinter group of The Virus Corporation. Carl has heard that a broken Merkaba is buried underneath the Diego Garcia island and thus the Virus Corporation heads there, not knowing that at that very moment the puppy has called his Reptilian masters to that very spot, and thus a great war shall begin between all these various groups!
The Feminist Cabal! The Reptilian Illuminati! The Gay Agenda! The Feminazi Overlords! The Virus Corporation! The FBI! THE CIA! the male plane crash survivors! bigfoot!
so, what happens next? I’ll tell you…
EAT A DICKS YOU FUCKERS!!!!
I’m confused now.
Me too, but I would now like essays, fables and surrealist polemics in the comments of every comic we post from now on.
Second the motion.
What’s messed up is that this is about as easy to understand as most explanations I’ve read about how ‘GamerGate’ started.
It started out simple enough, as a sex-and-journalist-corruption scandal, but has spun out since into flame-war chaos. Bridget gives the present state of play. I liked the Sixth Key of Chaos, and is Eris a shout-out to Robert Anton Wilson?
Gamer Gate started when Zoe Quinn’s ex boyfriend got mad that she actually didn’t want him to read her emails and other personal stuff on her computer, and decided to get vengeance on her by writing an 8,000 word screed, saying she cheated on him, with five guys, at least one of whom was a gaming journalist, and that she was using sex to get him to write a favorable review of her game, despite the fact that he never reviewed her game, at all.
And, since any woman having sex with a man who is “not me,” is a slut and a whore and a skank and deserves to die in a fire, the Game Gate was born.
Oh, and Anita Sarkeesian is totally NOT a gamer, and doesn’t know the first thing about video games, has never once played one, and all of her footage of the games that she uses to illustrate her series talking about tropes about women in games is ALL LIES!!!! and not at all proof of what she’s saying.
Anyway, the fact that the programming ALLOWS you to abuse women in such horrific ways, including raping and murdering them for points, doesn’t mean that any man, ever will actually DO that, and to say that any man ever would actually DO that is misandry! Of COURSE the game designers should design their video games to include options for rape! What sort of a game designer would NOT include an option for rape, even though everyone knows that no man ever would actually DO the thing that the game designers made possible in their programming?
But it’s all about ethics in journalism. Not about ethics in, you know, GAMING.
I think I love you.
Gergan: As you can see in the first paragraph here, the Wild Mage agrees with me about the origin of Gamergate.
She then proceeds to flame-war. Hail Eris!
Brilliant! I want to see this made into an adventure game! Probably RPG, based on AD&D rules, but I suppose a first-person shooter could do, as well.
Just make sure that the women are all dressed as skimpily as possible.
I can see why you made this comic.
You were a little too accurate with the faces of the anti-GGers in your last one.
Where is Hothead Paisan when we need her?
[…] via Manfeels Park […]
This is now what I shall think of every time Gamergate is mentioned.